LADIES, HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET THIS ADVICE?

WHAT NIGERIAN WOMEN HEAR:

Don’t be successful, you won’t get a husband, wait till you are married.

Don’t buy a car/house, men will run away from you.

Get a simple job, so you have time to cook for your husband.

Don’t go back to school, no one will want to be with a Know-Too-Much.

WHAT YOU DON’T HEAR:

Be successful, so you can give your kids a great life.

Buy a car, so you can also help pick up your neighbour’s kids

Get a simple job, so you can have time for your kids.

Get all the education you can afford, educated mums do better with kids’ homework.

Everyone is talking about getting and catering for a man, another grown-up with goals, living his own life, everything about your single life is wrapped in this unclear vision of a man who may come to rescue you from drowning in the pool of singlehood.

Live your life and let what will be be. What kind of insecure men are these people talking about anyway?…who says you can’t have the best of both worlds, who separated these worlds? Who says successful women don’t make submissive wives? who built these stereotypes? Who says you should lead your life subject to the approval of men? Who says love won’t happen when it will? Who says a comfortable woman is not happier than a broke girl waiting for a husband…

Honey, keep your options open… Love will definitely happen, marry a supportive partner, not an ‘oga’*. It can work.

#ItCanWork #AfricanWomen #WorkLifeSHIP #SHIPAfrica

oga* = boss/man to whom reverence and fear is due.

Aludo Love humdinger-love.jpg

THE THIN LINE BETWEEN FEAR AND PRIDE

Fear and Pride both go before a fall, be understanding and patient enough to tell the difference, especially with subordinates. People rashly mistake FEAR 4 PRIDE. Someone who walks away or refuses to show up to have his work analysed or criticized would easily be mistaken for being proud. A lot of people have a fear of opening emails from their leaders or teachers. Many times too when you delay an apology, people conclude that you are proud, when in fact you’re scared of being rejected.

A lot more thought should go into our human relationships, people are not simple, babies are. Life makes us complex so be more curious about why people act the way they do. To lead, mentor, be a good parent, guardian or just friend, you should try to use the other perspective. Although some reactions are pretty obvious, even anger can be an expression of fear! relax…take it easy :)